UFC Guy
The first man I considered meeting had profile pics of himself with several prominent UFC fighters. He was buff. I mean really buff. Awesome tattoos. Cool friends. Workout pics. I gave him my number. He texted me pics of himself drunk-riding a Big Wheel. Then he FaceTimed me while eating popsicles and looking like he'd never worked out in his life. Easily 50 pounds more than he was in his pics. Same guy, at least. He told me I was naturally pretty, not like the bimbos he usually dates. He said he was 7 months out from a divorce. I said I was sorry. He said, "Sorry for her. I had a prenup." He sent me pics of fancy cars, showed me his big house on FaceTime, and told me how comfy his bed was. He told me to come over. Didn't ask. Told. I ended the conversation. We never spoke again. This was perhaps the most harmless of the misadventures I was about to experience.